In March, Kenny and I took Elizabeth back to China. We spent four weeks there and visited four cities where majority of our families and friends live — Shanghai, Nanjing, Xuzhou and Beijing. It was exhausting but fantastic trip and we all had a great time. The bonus is the observations I made along the way. It has been almost four years since the last time I went back and to say things have changed would be an understatement.
Air quality is … there’s no quality in the air.
Kenny’s nose started running again two days after we landed in Shanghai, Elizabeth got a fever and my throat hurt badly. Guess our immune system are too weak now. Out of the 28 days, I saw blue sky no more than three days. There were also a few days that PM2.5 and PM10 went off the chart. From what I noticed, when there is a true blue sky, you see it not only up there, but also in Wechat moment and Weibo, so you can’t really miss it — that tells how rare it is. Everyone complains about it, but as individuals can hardly change anything at grand scale, either expectations are adjusted lower or they find ways to change the micro environment. Air purifier has become a household item, and many developed the habit of checking air quality on smart phone in the morning first, then plan the day — outdoor or indoor.
Startup is THE word (only next to stocks)
It’s such a hype right now in China, probably only second to stocks. Many of my age start to do their own things, first along their day job, if enough traction is built, then move on to full time. Judging by the growing number of soft promotions I see daily in Wechat moment, it’s definitely a new national move. Popular themes include, O2O, food safety, ecommerce (everything), restaurant, kids/baby products and education. Interestingly parenting turns out to be a big drive for startup aiming at safer food, better education, more engaging toys, kid-friendly activities and travels. The market is huge. Most malls I visited only have traffic on two floors — restaurants and kids zone. Flexibility in time is also considered a big benefit brought by working for oneself, although I question whether it’s misconception given the demanding hours in startup companies. On the other side it also shows that flexibility working hours or working from home arrangement is generally not available if you earn a paycheck.
Despite the halo as entrepreneurs, it is demanding lifestyle. 6-day workweek is typical and expected from co-workers, suppliers and customers; a workday will normally be between 10 to 12 hours, if not longer. For a market that is moving so fast (and so are the competitors), any day is workday.
Efficiency is awesome
My exposure to government agencies was limited to airport customs in Shanghai and Beijing, which are very efficient and with the baby we get green lights everywhere. US consulate in Shanghai also boasts amazing efficiency, with more streamlined process compared with local US government agencies I have visited. I was also so happy to see banks and post offices open longer on weekends. I almost feel spoiled when all major ecommerce websites provide one-day or two-day shipping free of charge. Most of my friends buy daily items online, from fruits and snacks to apparels and books. Everyone has a (very fancy) smart phone, the penetration of iphone 6 plus is unbelievably high. And everyone is constantly on it. (One restaurant where I met a few old colleagues actually had a promotion that if everybody put the phone away the entire dinner time, they would offer 50% off. Gladdly we did it.)
Driving is almost inhumane
Driving is terrible experience because other people’s behavior is unpredictable. You have to be constantly scanning for potential red flags, when you shouldn’t need to if everyone follows the rule. It was such a mentally exhausting activity that I would certainly use didi or uber instead. But to live on public transportation and taxis with a baby turned out to be impossible — none of the taxis we got had safety belt in the back and overall the infrastructure for strollers is not there.
Parenting is as hard and challenging as it can be elsewhere
Many of my friends became parents in the last few years and parenting has become a popular topic at almost every gathering.
A typical care arrangement is full-time nanny provides primary care, grandparents supervise the nanny during the day, and mom takes over after work. Father’s engagement is generally low and sometimes my male friends’ comments about what they feel like they should be doing as a father raised my eyebrow.
Mommy war is another interesting thing that has emerged, articles defending each side grab eyeballs and debates arouse. Based on my very limited research, this is essentially similar to what US experienced in 1990s and again recently, probably both due to the lack of support systems (although the missing links are different). Most of my friends are working moms although the idea of quitting job and become a full time mom has crossed their minds at least once, when relationship with in-laws who live together to help take care of the kid gets heated, when nanny quits job for a 20% salary raise from a neighbor, or simply want to spend more time with the kids.
It is also a widespread belief that the most welcomed parent combination by private school teachers and principals is a high-earning, high-profile dad and a well-educated stay-at-home-mom, preferably with oversea background. The competition starts so early from getting the kid into the right kindergarten that parent (or more implicitly the mom) is expected to get really involved with school activities.
Arrangement for kids is largely unanimous
While opinions vary on where to live and work themselves/which country has more opportunities, choices these young parents made for their children are much more unanimous: first of all, many of the kids hold non-mainland passport which is kind of an exit strategy, either they were born during the years their parents studied abroad or at least one of the parents hold non-mainland passport,; Either way, learning English is given high priority, from reading English rhymes for babies and toddlers, to getting private language classes afterwards. (Out of the top 10 paid apps under Kids category in Apple App Store China, 8 are in English and one of the two Chinese is also an English learning app.) Getting oversea education is considered only as a timing issue rather than an “yes or no” question. Some choose to enroll their kid in international schools from elementary school, while more believe public schools provide a stronger academic foundation and sending the kids to US at high school age is sufficient “to integrate into American society”.
My interpretation is that while China is seen as a place with more upside financially and career wise, US is viewed to have less downside in longer term, which is all that matters when you put on the hat of parent.
Overall mood is optimistic despite complaints
I never counted but I approximately met over 100 friends during this trip, whom I have known for at least 5 years. My observation is that vast majority of them are happy and excited about what they are doing, energetic and thriving. And that makes me very happy for them. There are complaints and stress, but the overall mood is optimistic. I can’t tell you how much of an role survival bias played here, maybe some just didn’t come to dinners and unions. But from what I’ve seen, people are in general enjoying their work and life. To me, anyone that is proactively seeking changes or thinking about what to do with his or her lives, is fearless promising, and respectful.
Choice is a splendid word
Never before did I truly understand how different people’s motivations and aspirations can be. Most of my friends have followed a similar path, elite junior and senior high school, top universities in China, and very likely a good job. The variance began to show after 5 years of graduation and we are in the middle of seeing the variance grows even bigger. One’s life choice or motivation may be as absurd as it can possibly be to another (and yes it can really be vastly different even if you have similar education backgrounds), and that’s OK, being able to take charge of one’s life and vote with one’s feet is a splendid thing. Choice is an luxury our previous generations in China didn’t get much and we are lucky to have it.